"Unspoken" Emotions

I haven't shared the letter I mentioned in the previous post with anyone other than this blog. Hiding behind the anonymity that the internet provided, I felt somewhat OK with sharing what I was feeling inside. The turmoil I was fighting. As I'm sure of what I written down, I already know how my babe would have reacted knowing what I was feeling...

He would have been angry. And his anger would have been justified. Why would I share what I was feeling inside to other people but not to him directly. 

He would have been confused. Confused as to why I would have chosen to hide what I was feeling from him for a long time while pretending that everything was alright.

He would have been disappointed. For the fact that I do not trust him enough that he could have understood my situation.

He would have been hurt that I would choose to run away by myself instead of facing the problems hand and hand with him.

My babe is not a saint. He do have his shortcomings. But these words would have been exactly how he would have said and felt if he knew about the contents of the previous post. And he would have said some lines that I only heard in the movies...

"...it's my choice what to do with my life and I chose to be with you... if I end up hurting and damaged, at least it was my choice and not anyone else. So don't make my choices for me... because if you really love me like you say you do, you wouldn't do that at all..."

I would have countered and maneuvered my way out with more words. I'm good with words. But I wouldn't do that. I would rather just stay silent and stare at my feet. I would choose to hurt myself that see the person I love the most in tears...