Lesson Well Learned

 

I reached out to my mentor last week. I still haven't heard back from him. I hope he's fine.

 

I've been bothered by a question that I wanted to ask him. I wanted to know why, in all the times that we were together, talking, sharing, learning, that he never shared or showed his own personal problems, not even once, to me. I only realized this quite recently, which means, that in those years that past when he was teaching me, I never once cared for him. I was a little shit of a git that only cared for myself.

 

I wanted to ask him why he never did share, not including his sexual innuendos and adventures, his own humanity. I was left wondering why? Was it because he thought that I will lose some of my respect for him if I see him as a normal person? Did he feel that by sharing his own problems, that it will take away the spotlight from my own issues? Or was it as simple as he didn't trust me enough to share his own burdens?

 

I wanted to know. I needed to know. Because right now, being as stubborn as I am, I went and tried to become a mentor myself. And thinking that not sharing my own problems to those who look up to me, is taking away something from that mentor-mentee relationship. But my problem is, it's not working. Not one bit.

 

So I guess, I got the answer for myself. That as a mentor, it's my job to help those who needed guidance. It's not part of my job description to share my own follies to them, because gods know that they are already stressed enough with what they are carrying. As the adult and the person with the most experience, I should have kept my own issues to myself. Doing so, would highlight the issues that needed to be addressed. Not my issues, but theirs. Because as a mentor, as a guide, as a muse, it is these kids' future that's more important. Not ours, and definitely, not mine.

Bored As F--?!

 

I've been in the BPO industry for more than a decade but I still haven't climb the ladder of success. I guess, moving from one company to the next is not a bad precedent. That, and my attendance issues.

 

I know my problem and that problem is myself. I don't think I have the right attitude. Plus, I get bored quickly. As my previous boss would always say, I'm a walking proof that talents are wasted with aimless people. I have the talent, I know how to use them, but for some reason, I choose not to.

 

Oh, I know I'm good. Actually, better than good. Let's say, for modesty sake, that I'm above average. But that doesn't mean I'm not expendable. I've proven that quite often enough to my own detriment.

 

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that my current job sucks. It's freaking boring. There's no advancement of knowledge and the pay is just enough to cover my bills. I could leave, yes, but after facing so many rejection in these past months, I think I'll lick my wounds for now, and settle into this job. After all, I can blog while waiting for my workload. It's just that it's so boring.

 

So boring, in fact, that I brought my origami papers at work so I can do origami whenever the boredom is almost choking me to death. Most of the time though, I surf the net for stuff. Did you know that one of the biggest/largest bat in the world can be found here, in our country? The species Acerodon jubatus also known as giant golden-crowned flying fox, is endemic to our country but is nearing extinction due to deforestation and hunting.  All of that I found out because I had to much time on my hands.

 

Another thing that I've been doing is scanning the world wide web for one of my long lost blog. I wrote something back in 2007 when I was in the process of withdrawal from the blogging world but forgot what or where I wrote it. It took me a good two days to find them. 'Them' because I actually found two. One that I wrote back in 2007, and the other one, back in 2009.

 

Please note that they are not so safe for work.

 

The Dark Lord Strikes Back

 

The Dark Room Returns

 

Reading them almost gave me cancer. The grammar sucks, not that I'm perfect now, but knowing that I wrote them and that I can't edit them anymore (I don't know the username and password for them) makes me cringe. However, that doesn't mean that I'm not proud of my work. I am. After all, it shows my psyche during those turbulent years of my life.

 

Well, that's it for now. I'm a little beat because of something that happened last night that disappointed me. Tomorrow, when I can feel a little more sunshine on my face, maybe I'll do a retro post for all the Project 360 that I missed and the two Origami Tuesdays that I didn't post. Well, maybe.

 

Cheers!

So What?

I was about to post the continuation of my sad story but decided against it. Though I already typed close to 200 words, I scrapped everything and went with this post instead. Because after everything is said and done, I can't changed the fact that I failed. That I relapsed into my gambling ways. That I've lost my entire paycheck in one sitting. That I've ruined my weekend getaway with boyfie. That, I now have no means to pay my bills or even buy food. Those are the facts and they are indisputable. But then again, so what?

 

So what if I failed?  So what if I lost?

 

At least I tried.

 

Now what?

 

Now it's time to move on.

 

The Sun still shines right? I'm still breathing. I can still fight.

 

I might have lost this battle. But I will win this war.

P360 - Day 006

'Not So Serious'

I spent the entire day cooped up in my room, hugging the bear that boyfie gave me while savoring the last hours of my rest before going back to work. It's been a total waste of man hours yet for some reason, I feel that it's not a waste at all. That for one reason for another, I actually achieved something. What's that though, I do not know. What I do know is that today was a good day for not being serious.

P360 - Day 005

'Sundate'

It's always been one of my dreams to have a lazy Sunday with boyfie. Just lounging in a sofa, munching on sandwiches we made, while watching TV. Who would've known that one of those three would happen today?! We made sandwiches together!

Yay!

Now, if we could just find a place were we can lounge in safety and discreetly, that will be awesome!

P360 - Day 004

'Love WIns'

Earlier today, it was a momentous event for our brothers and sisters in the United States of America. The Supreme Court of their land declared that banning same sex marriage is illegal and unconstitutional, thereby saying that anyone, straight, gay, lesbian, anyone can be married. Because marriage is not about procreation, it's about love.

There's a case filed in our very own Supreme Court asking it to declare our country's Family Code, the very same code that declares marriage is only between a man and a woman, for the interest of procreation, as illegal and unconstitutional. If this happens, then it will open up the field for sweeping changes in favor of the LGBT community that until now, is asking our government to pass a law that criminalize discrimination against us. Currently, there's no law that protects us. Just morals and common respect.

The fight is far from over, but we are making strides.  Ultimately, everyone knows, love always win.

Overdue (Re)Introduction

Hello hello hello!

 

I've been planning on introducing myself, yet again, but there's been a lot of things that's going on recently that I had to prioritize. That being said, even though this post almost didn't make it to this blog today, I promised myself that today is the day that I put this here.

 

What is 'this' exactly? 'This' is a post containing information about yours truly, conducted in an interview fashion (by myself as well, such a loser!) in order to bring some semblance of order to this blog. So without further ado, here is my stunning, provocative, extremely overrated, self interview!

 

Hi, please tell us your name, age, location, occupation, and to those who believes in astrology, your star sign.

 

I'm JeKi, not my real name of course. 32 years old, not too old, not too young. Lives in the 'garbage city' part of the metro. Works as a callboy at night in one of the disputed areas between Makati and Taguig. I'm a Sagittarian.

 

Why JeKi?

 

JeKi is a word play, combining my name and my boyfie's name. That's also the name of our dog.

 

Tell us more about your boyfie.

 

Boyfie's hot. Obviously. You know me, I won't settle for anything less. But seriously though, in more than two years that we've been together, he's been the rock that anchored my boat to make sure that it survives the storm that I'm currently in. But enough about him. This post should be about me. I'll let him answer questions about himself in a post dedicated to him.

 

That's nice and sweet. If he's your rock, what are you to him?

 

His ass? Lelz, I kid. I would like to believe that I'm his partner, in all sense of the word. But you better ask him when you get the chance to interview him.

 

Alright, tell us something about yourself that you haven't shared to anyone, including this blog, that you think is interesting and worthwhile.

 

This one is tough. I pride myself as an open book, so all that I can think of right now are things that I've already shared with someone. So let me just share that very few people knows about me - I've been studying how to play a violin. It's both hard and expensive but whenever I see JunCurryAhn, I can't help but be inspired.

 

Violin huh? I thought you are not a musically inclined person?

 

I am not musically inclined but violin players are so hot. I mean, violins are so powerful and flexible that it seems all encompassing, it's transforming.

 

Wow. Alright. You like violins and violin players. Besides those two, what other things do you like?

 

Movies, TV series, Online games, Books, Board games, geeky stuff.

 

Describe your normal day.

 

I wake up, prep up, go to boyfie's house, if it's a workday, we'll go together since our offices are just near each other, if it's a rest day, we'll just hangout. Then go home, either play online games or read a book. Sleep. Repeat.

 

And since this post is already too long, this is the last question for now. Why write? Why blog? What do you get from doing it?

 

I write because I need to write. Writing is an outlet for me. Thoughts that I can't express or say, I write. It helps me cope. It allows me to be the person that I need to be. And I do it here because my handwriting sucks. As my grade school teacher once said "I don't write, I create art"

 

 

There we have it. Finally finished with a 'short' reintroduction. Until next time.

P360 - Day 003

'Unpublished, Unwritten'

"...there are words we mean to say, but we can not say, so we write them. but once written, we realize, they are not for public consumption, they are, your inner most thoughts, they are your soul, your heart. but what's written can never be undone, it can never be really erased. because even if we erase, edit, write over, or even delete what we've written, the paper will always remember. it will always hold its history silently, but it knows, because it is your soul that it held within its breaches. it is your heart that it felt. beating. bleeding. alive."

P360 - Day 002

'Empty Conversations'

another day came and went.. 
full of empty conversations...
 
and as I lay my head to rest, 
I keep glancing, I keep hoping...
that maybe, somehow, someway...
a conversation will begin... 

one of substance, one of heart and soul... 

for my day was filled with empty conversations...

Papers and Projects

Sorry about the ruckus yesterday. There was just some things that you have to get out your chest for you're afraid that keeping it in any longer could result to a serious explosion. But, enough of that. Let's go back to the regular programming.

o·ri·ga·mi (ôrəˈɡämē/)

n - the Japanese art of folding paper into decorative shapes and figures.

My love for origami started with my dad.

When I was a kid, I was very envious of those kids flying paper kites. I would always bug my dad to make me one to which he will always drunkenly reply "go do it yourself". It's funny how dad can be sometimes. So, I grew up not knowing how to make one. It's sad, I know.  What's sadder still, is that I never flew one. Not even to this day. Something that I will remedy before the year ends.

Now even though that my dad didn't teach me how to make a kite or even fly one, he did teach me how to make paper airplanes. He showed me three different ways in making them and more ways in making them fly. He even taught me how to make a plane drop a "bomb". Those were good times. That's why whenever I can, I make paper airplanes and make them fly. It's a reminder of the very few moments in my short childhood that I can call "happy".

Which brings me back to the topic of my post today.

From paper airplanes to dragons. How time flies. I guess you can say that my very first origami was the paper airplanes that I made growing up. Add to that, the paper boats my brother and I crafted so they can float in the flood that usually occupies our living room during rainy seasons. I wish I could've saved all those paper planes and boats. What memories and stories they could have told. Alas, we can only move forward. And so onward we go.

Daso, The Dragon

I followed the instruction of Jo Nakashima in his YouTube video to make this creation. It was tough but it was very enjoyable. The background image is a wallpaper that I got from here, I then placed the origami in front of my laptop screen to create the image.

 

One of the things that I mentioned in my previous post are the projects that I intended to start in this blog. This is one of them. "Origami Tuesday". I know, it's no longer Tuesday. I had to push this post to this day to accommodate my ranting. Hopefully, this is the start of a continuous project that I can do in a weekly basis, at least until the end of the year.

The other thing that I wanted to start is Project 360. It's a concept I first learned during my Flickr days. One picture that represents your day, every day, for a whole year. I've tried and failed numerous times in making this project come to life. This is my fifth and final stab on this pie. Hopefully, this too, I can finish until June 2016.

Day 001 - Wear and Tear

Descriptions were frown upon because the picture and the caption should be more than enough to express what you went through that day. However, since this is not Flickr and I don't really give a shit if they do frown or not, I will add descriptions or if I can, a little story, to my daily pictures. But not today. Maybe tomorrow. After all, tomorrow's another day.